Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.