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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.