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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.