Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.