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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.