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I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.