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Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw