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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".