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I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and Iām still at work.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"