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Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.