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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
I just made you think of an elephant
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
Save water, shower together.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?