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If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.