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If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
My tricks aren`t for kids.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria