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It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.