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I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.