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Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.