Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
Today`s subliminal thought is: …