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"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."