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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.