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Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.