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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.