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Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.