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I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
The well behaved rarely make history.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.