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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
It takes balls to be a man.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.