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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.