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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.