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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!