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If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things Iād get a lot more done.
Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.