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Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"