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I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.