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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel