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You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy