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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.