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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
This is a lousy dating site.
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.