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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.