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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
My life is based on a true story
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist