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Match dot com, but for socks.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
i like boobs