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So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
i like boobs
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.