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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Even if I’m mad at my wife I should be mature enough not to flush the toilet on purpose while she’s in the shower, but it turns out I’m not.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
God is creative... I mean look at me??
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
It needs more cowbell!!
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"