Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
never be afraid to wipe twice
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Girls just wanna have funds.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.