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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist