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If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
I need a partner in wine.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day