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Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.