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Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.