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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.