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I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
The future was so much cooler in the past.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.