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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
A hard thing about business is minding your own
Lol at birds that walk places.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.