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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
I have Beer.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree