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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Bad decisions make good stories.