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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.