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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But Iām skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5