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I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Iām not in denial, Iām just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)