Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.