Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
why me is me ?
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.