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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted