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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".