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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship