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Pizza is my favorite winter activity
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
Condoms prevent minivans.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?