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What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.