Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I’m forty. I have one.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.