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Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...