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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)