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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can`t make eye contact.
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.