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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M