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Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.