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It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.