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If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.