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I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.