Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window