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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.