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Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about