Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, Iād remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"