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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.