Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!