Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.