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Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.