Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now Iām drunk.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. Iām buying a sandwich.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.