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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.