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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
I’m sad when my food is over.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.