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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.