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I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.